Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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