Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
