My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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