And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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