I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
