sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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