Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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