Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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