Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My boob is missing a layer of skin
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
