You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
