I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Say something about gay babies.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
