I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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