he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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