When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
