He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will pee on everything he values.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
