You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
