well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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