Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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