My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
