I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
