I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize