She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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