well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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