Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Say something about gay babies.
honey bunches of taint.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
