My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
