If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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