PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
