i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
