I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
