hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
