I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
