Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
