She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
