Cold hands, warm shart.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
