My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
