Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
