i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
