that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize