i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
