too bad you live with your parents still
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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