Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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