You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
