It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
