im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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