happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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