Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
