Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
