somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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