Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
