The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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