I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
