Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
