I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
