sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize