It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
