My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
