they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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