Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
