don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
