Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Me too!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
