he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize