Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
