yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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