what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Fuck appropriateness.
Do vagina's smell?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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