life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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