He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
