someone threw a dead crab at me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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