you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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