Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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