Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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