college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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