I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
