We got so high we made milksteak
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize